As you can see from the title. PULL YOUR PANTS UP BOYS! I mean seriously. I don’t want to be looking at what boxer shorts you picked out today. Also I notice a lot you like to wear basketball shorts over your boxers and under your pants. Doesn’t your butt get hot? I mean I’m a girl and I wouldn’t know, but seriously that’s three clothing items on your bottom, it MUST get hot.
I mean I don’t know what’s so embarrassing about wearing your pants where they belong. I find it embarrassing wearing them under your ass. You know that saying “Oh he has a face only a mother could love.” Well I apply that to butts. “You all have butts only a mother could love.” Which sounds dirty, but its very much true. I have heard a lot of people say its sexy. I don’t understand. I really don’t, like I don’t look at a boy and see that they have boxers with hearts on them, and basketball shorts, AND way baggy pants and say “Oh he lookin’ good I wanna do unspeakable things once I get all of his pants off.” No I say “What the hell chemical is that boy missing in his brain to think that I or anyone else wants to see his ass.” Here’s a new rule: If I can tell what design is on your boxers you don’t have your pants up high enough.
In 1822 Albert Thurston invented something I absolutely love to wear, the suspenders. Let me walk you through how they work.
Step one: Put on pants.
Step two: Tuck in your shirt.
Step three: Now that you have completed the first two steps you are ready to wear suspenders. Take your newly bought suspenders and you see the side with just one clasp on it? Clip that to the back of your pants.
Step four: Now once you have done that the side with two clasps should be behind you. Take one in each hand and bring them over your shoulders.
Step five: One at a time clasp both to the front of your pants.
Step six: Adjust to your height so that they keep your pants up.
Suspenders are a great way to keep pants on and have the ‘nerd’ look. You don’t want the nerd look? That’s okay I have an alternative to suspenders if you like. Its called a belt. The belt has been around since biblical times. It has evolved from being braided rope to being made from leather, plastic, or other materials. Now the belt is a lot less nerdy if that’s what you would like. Here are steps for wearing a belt.
Step one: Put on pants.
Step two: Take your new belt, and the end that does NOT have a big metal thing on the end put in through the first loop on the left side of the button on your pants.
Step three: Keep looping through all the loops until you get to the last one on the right side of your button.
Step four: This is where things might get complicating. The end without metal, stick in through the metal part and pull. Pull to a comfortable hole that will keep your pants up.
Step five: Now all that you have to do is put the metal rod part into the hole and presto! You have just successfully put on a belt. (Go ahead and laugh at the phrasing. You are a boy I know you want to. Hahaha)
You have the option to tuck in your shirt or not when you wear a belt. If you are wearing suspenders it looks and works a lot better if you wear your shirt tucked in.
There is a third alternative to both of these. I know you know its coming. Ahem… BUY PANTS THAT FIT! A lot of you that wear your pants around your knees spend a lot of time picking out your too-big-pants at the mall. At the mall you are surrounded by pants all day I am positive you can find a pair that fit on your waist.
My mom works at the hospital and I must admit that I love her stories about people who tripped while running from the cops. I mean seriously if you are going to run from the cops at least pull your pants up enough to out run them. I know that cops aren’t known for their running skills, because most of them are picking up doughnuts at the krispy kream, but they will catch you if you have your pants so low that you trip and fall or get stuck on a fence. This is just something to keep in mind when you wake up in the morning and think ‘I want to commit a crime.’
I asked ten girls what they thought about guys who wore their pants sagging. Ten out of ten said they did NOT like it. So if you are trying to impress the ladies buy showing them your ass. They don’t like it. Most of them I’m sure want a gentlemen who has the decency to keep what their mama gave them inside their pants. So keep that in mind also next time a girl rejects you.
If none of that convinced you that you should start wearing proper pants I am sure this will. Back in the day it was believed that in prisons some inmates would sag their pants to indicate that they were gay and ‘open.’ I know from personal experience that a lot of guys do NOT like being called gay so if that’s the case pull them up and you wont have the problem of someone calling you gay.
To close this blog off I am going to quote our president Barack Obama: “…brothers should pull up their pants. You are walking by your mother, your grandmother, your underwear is showing. What's wrong with that? Come on. Some people might not want to see your underwear. I’m one of them.”
So please do us all a favor and pull up your trousers.
-Madi
I also want to clarify that this is directed towards ANYONE who sags their pants. Black, White, Hispanic, Asian, AND FEMALES. Girls I don’t want you sagging your pants so I can see what color your G string is. I’m just saying.
Ok bye.
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